did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
