This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
