this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
