Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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