my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
