you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
