I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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