I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
