I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
