How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A bitchslap is in order.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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