i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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