My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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