At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
