also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
