I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Come on in and take your pants off
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