I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
