There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
porn star boner night. come get it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
