Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
