Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
