I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
