Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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