So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
