I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
