I want to make a zoo with you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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