I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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