I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
