In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
