I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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