she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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