Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
