I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
