Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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