I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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