actually, I'm a sock model
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just google imaged poop.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
