I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
