Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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