I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
