my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
