My Higher Power is John Stamos
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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