on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
