I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
