my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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