Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
