escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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