My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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