At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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