dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
