You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
