So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
