I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
