Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
